I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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