Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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