You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
