Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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