Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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