You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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