I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
