They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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