Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's on the porch naked. Help.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
