girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
