Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
