I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
