Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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