butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
