my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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