He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
