my phone cant type all the emotion im having
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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