I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she told me i tasted like america
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
