I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
