I will die if light touches me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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