i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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