I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
