hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
