finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
