Can Purell be used as lube?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
