jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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