i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
