I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize