Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just blew my weed a kiss
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
