I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
