booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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