dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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