I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
