took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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