I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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