fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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