don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
