When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
