Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
