I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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