Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off