Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
