i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
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today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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