Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
