so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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