I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
