Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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