then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
