PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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