i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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