i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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