If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
