I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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