Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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