she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
