I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
