So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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