I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i've created a new STD.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
