New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm just crazy horny about you
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
