Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
