VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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