I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
