I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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