now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
