I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
